Desperate Cry

While I may not remember what it is that I am reading, I am trusting the Lord God that His Word still is getting into my spirit – and changing me from the inside-out.

Even though I couldn’t tell you word for word Psalm 142:1-2 is about, I do know this chapter is about desperately crying out to the Lord God for mercy when it seems like no one cares. Such a Psalm is home hitting for so many of us. So, I just wanted to share this Psalm today. As I am broken and withdrawing from everyone, I just want to share this Psalm.

Psalm 142

I cry aloud to the Lord; I plead aloud to the Lord for mercy. I pour out my complaint before Him; I reveal my trouble to Him. Although my spirit is weak within me, You know my way. Along this path I travel they have hidden a trap for me. Look to the right and seeL no one stands up for me; there is no refuge for me; no one cares about me.

I cry You, Lord; I say, “You are my shelter, my portion in the land of the living.” Listen to my cry, for I am very weak. Rescue me from those who pursue me, for they are too strong for me. Free me from prison so that I can praise Your name. The righteous will gather around me because You deal generously with me.

This Psalm meets me where I am. I wish, I could explain where I am as far as my mental health. I can’t keep running from everything. And that’s what I have been doing. The Scripture I can hear most right now is: “Do not have other gods besides me (see Deuteronomy 6:14, Jeremiah 35:15).”

My Routine

I have allowed myself to get too comfortable for things within my control. I could spend time with our Lord Jesus Christ in other ways. Ways that do not “cost” a lot of energy –

  1. Worship music
  2. Enjoy His Presence
  3. Listen to the Bible
  4. Listen to a sermon

    Morning Routine is what comes to mind, so that’s where I want to start – as I confess my sins and repent. I want to start over, and make this a week of honestly seeking His beautiful face. I would like my morning routine to begin something like this:

  • Listen to chapter in Bible
  • Journal for few minutes
  • Pray. Really pray and spend time with the Lord asking for His help
  • Memorize Scripture
  • Take a short walk, as you give this day to the Lord
  • Participate as you listen to worship music

    Psalm 142 isn’t where we are in the Reading Plan today, but it’s where my heart is drawing me and I am going to allow the Word of our Lord to wash over my achy, depressed, anxious, PTSD heart.

Wisdom Opportunities {May ’18 Goals}

I haven’t set any “official” goals these past few months. Because I am homebound for the most part, I have to alter my mindset – so I make the most of my opportunities. Many things I cannot do, but I have control over how I spend my time and draw nearer to Christ in my affliction.

So be careful how you live. . . Make the most of every living and breathing moment (see Eph. 5:15a, VOICE). 

Do –

  • guilt free resting
  • my best in keeping up on housework
  • find way to exercise without flare up’s
  • eat more plant based
  • listen to short Christian teachings (or half message)
  • use praise music and coloring (stencils) as a way to worship

Learn –

. . . the truths found in Psalm 90.

I want need our great God to satisfy me on an intimate level with His unfailing love. My goal is to sit with Psalm 90:14 for the month of May. Perhaps, I will sojourn to other places of Psalm 90.

Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love, that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days (Ps. 90:14, NIV).

When morning comes, let your love satisfy all our needs. Then we can celebrate and be glad for what time we have left (CEV).

The Lord Jesus is truly all I need. May this become my focus verse. Even as our weather changes, our great God will continue to love me, puruse me, and satisfy my deepest needs.

Read –

There is so much I want to read! I have many books to choose from. Here are my top picks for the month of May. I may end up reading something else, but here we go!

  • Spoken For (Robin Jones Gunn; Alyssa Joy Bethke)
  • Called and Accountable (Henry and Norman Blackaby)
  • God’s Story, Your Story: When His Becomes Yours (Max Lucado)

Ideally, I will read more than these. But, it is enough to get me started.

Be Flexible

If there was “a word” to describe how I need to be (as I adjust to Summer), it would be “flexible”. I need to pursue my goals, while taking especially good care of my body. This may look differently each day.

This may mean:

  • getting up while it is not yet light to food prep, then go back to sleep
  • willfully choosing to listen to the Bible only versus taking detailed therapeutic notes
  • sitting in front of a fan, when my heart would rather be absorbing sunshine
  • missing family time and sleeping all day, for tomorrow’s opportunities.

Whichever, I need to be flexible. There needs to be flexibility in accepting opportunities to be drawn into deeper intimacy with Christ and how I use my days. I want to make the most of my days, but this requires wisdom, patience, and dedication. While I want to make the best out of my days, I have to protect my body from worsening symptoms.

Oh friend! It is a new month. What are some of your “hopes” for this month? Any particular goal you are striving for?

Featured Image by Brooke Cagle from Unsplash.

In Him,

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God: My Provider

I have been reading and writing out one particular chapter of the Bible lately. I cry the whole way through, as I write it out. In church on Sunday, literally, that was my actions. While the pastor preached on Isaiah, I wrote and cried through a Psalm {which is a result of God moving, because I rarely cry!}.

Okay. Before I go any further, I have to brag on God a bit.

I am thoroughly enjoying 1 Corinthians 3. God is teaching me so much in our Diving Into The Corinthians study!! I am so glad we are taking this one chapter at a time. The study will be pretty lengthy, but think about how much God is going to grow us during these next 26 or so weeks!

To be honest, I have been struggling with depression lately. There are tons of Scriptures that can be a healing balm to our souls during these difficult times, but Psalm 142 is the Scripture God has been using to draw my heart closer to His.

I don’t know if anyone has told you this recently, but chronic illness is hard!

Even as a follower of Jesus Christ, I have to admit there are still trying days. What I am holding onto is – The Lord’s love, ability to fight for me, and that He walks with me through the fire.

He chose us in him before the foundation of the world . . . for adoption as sons through Jesus Christ” (Ephesians 1:4-5).

But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us (Romans 5:8).

The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still (Exodus 14:14).

Someone laughed at me recently when asked “What has God brought you that wasn’t planned or expected?” (not the exact question, but close enough), and it just crushed me. It’s funny how you can be thirty something, and something like that – gets to you (they are completely forgiven, because I need grace too).

But, the Lord sees that. He sees every hurt we have in our lives, even things we desperately try to ignore or hide.

No matter what happens, we can continue following our Lord Jesus Christ and trust that He will take care of us. God is our Rock. We need to trust He will truly take care of us. He is our forever Anchor, and keeps us safe.

Friends, keep trusting Him to take care of us. I know the road gets difficult, but He is the One Best Friend we can fully trust and He will never fail us. He may not give us the answers we want, but He will be our amazing Provider, Father, and so much more.

I cry aloud to the LordI lift up my voice to the Lord for mercy. I pour out before him my complaint; before him I tell my trouble. When my spirit grows faint within me, it is you who watch over my way. In the path where I walk people have hidden a snare for me. (Psalm 142:1-3)

Featured image by Samuel Martins.

Still learning to trust,

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When I Am Not Okay (Part Two)

Hey friends!

I am still here, navigating these interesting waters of depression. I haven’t really been writing much this week (even still). But, I have been trying to read our daily Scriptures. I come to you today – with a different Scripture in mind.

As a deer longs for flowing streams, so I long for you, God. I thirst for God, the living God. When can I come and appear before God? My tears have been my food day and night, while all day long people say to me, “Where is your God?” I remember this as I pour out my heart: how I walked with many, leading the festive procession to the house of God, with joyful and thankful shouts. Why, my soul, are you so dejected?
Why are you in such turmoil? Put your hope in God, for I will still praise him, my Savior and my God (Ps. 42:1-5, CSB).

Observation: The psalmist acknowledged he was severely depressed in verse 6, but he remembered how God met him before. Friends, let’s keep trying to seek the Lord God in the midst of our trials. Let’s remember how He has been faithful to us!

Taking Action: Let’s allow our great Lord to meet us where we are, even though it isn’t anywhere fun! It isn’t about how much effort we put in, but it’s about leading our broken souls to Jesus who is our great Restorer! Let’s just continue to try and draw nearer. The Lord will meet us there, even when we aren’t so sure.

I wanted to share some ideas about how I fight through depression.

Here We Go!

Turn on praise music (this is my favorite playlist right now).

Go for a physical walk with our Lord Jesus. Just walk and talk, friend.

Be willing to do better than me, and journal through your thoughts – fearlessly (and if someone finds your notes, so be it).

Sit in the quiet, and look for God’s presence in the storm (and I hope you notice He is in the storm with you). He can give us His peace, even during hard times. Choose to believe Him for this, friend.

Take hold of our great God’s promises (“He will never leave you nor forsake you (Hebrews 13:5),” for example).

Allow someone else to read the Bible to you. Maybe, have a friend come over and read to you. Perhaps, just allow the Bible app of your choice to read to you.

This might be more obvious for some, but limit your social media time. If you do use it during times of depression, watch where you scroll. Try scrolling through Desiring God or The Gospel Coalition instead.

This is probably my number one thing I do:

Watch some YouTube videos to draw you nearer to the Lord. Or listen to a Christian podcast (Podbean is my “go to” podcast app).

You are not alone, my friend. Let’s continue to make this journey together, as we draw nearer to the Lord – even when trials come our way. Hang in there, and keep looking to our Lord Jesus!

Image is by Francisco Gonzalez

In Him,

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December Goals

It is a little late, but “better late than never”.

Do {Daily}

  • Continue to work on choosing allergy free vegetarian dishes.
  • Exercise, while listening to limitations.
  • Keep reading and studying the Word of God (Bible).
  • Welcome silence, to create a prayerful environment.

Learn

This month, my heart’s goal is set on Titus. I need to learn and apply Titus 2:5.

In the book of Titus, we are reminded of God’s greatness and how He wants us to live out our faith in our lives (see 2:3-5).

For this month, I want to lean on the Lord and learn how to serve within the walls of my family’s home. This is done as I keep up on housework (dishes, laundry, picking up, decluttering) – trying to give God my best in this area.

“These older women must train the younger women to love their husbands and their children, to live wisely and be pure, to work in their homes, to do good, and to be submissive to their husbands. Then they will not bring shame on the word of God (Titus 2:4-5, NLT).”

Read

My hope is to keep reading each day. While I have many books to choose from, I am going to limit my goal to a few specific books.

  • In the Middle of the Mess (Sheila Walsh)
  • Loved Baby (Sarah Philpott)
  • Connected (Erin Davis)

Also, I want to keep reading and soaking up the truths from the book of Psalms.

Be

If there was one word for this month, it would be “effective”. I want my life to count. Through eating better, exercising, and trying to stay focused on the Lord by living out His Word, I want to make a difference in my health, family, and life.

Dear friend, what are some of the things you hope to focus on doing or being for the month of December?

Image by Tim Gouw.

In Christ,

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