Today has been adventurous. I had a stress test and a holter (heart) monitor placed on my chest a few hours ago. And, it feels like all I am truly capable of – is awkwardness. Have you ever found yourself in such a place, dear friend?
Instead of focusing on what I could potentially complain about, I just want to talk about being awkward for the glory of God.
Don’t change yourselves to be like the people of this world, but let God change you inside with a new way of thinking. Then you will be able to understand and accept what God wants for you. You will be able to know what is good and pleasing to him and what is perfect.Romans 12:2, ERV
When it comes to acting awkwardly, or doing things differently from others, we need to remember those just might be the things that the Lord chooses to use the most.
Earlier, I opened the wrong “riding sharing” (Lyft, Uber, etc) car door. And there just so happens that a couple of people were getting out of the car. Now I could berate myself. “Why did I do that, Lord?!?!?” Or I could respond to myself with mercy, the kind of mercy our great God shows me.
The way others respond to me, in this moment, was kind. We spoke, laughed, and I wished them a good day, but they were just so kind about it. Kind like I should be, when I accidentally make a mistake.
Why is it we are so harsh to ourselves, when we can extend mercy? We need to love ourselves right where we are. Our great God has demonstrated love toward us, while we were still sinners (see Rom. 5:8). If God loves us where we are, why can’t we? It seems like trying to tear down a building.
Brick by brick, truth by truth, loving act by loving act, we need to live out our lives in a much better way. Our goal cannot be perfection. It has to be awkwardly living out our lives.
Because of the Good News of our Lord Jesus Christ, I can awkwardly live out my life. And as each day comes and goes, maybe, that self-induced shame and anxiety become a little bit less. Maybe, I am a bit more merciful to myself – as I learn how to be a follower of Jesus Christ who is authentic and loves her self so she can learn how to love others.
We will either become fixated on our awkwardness or the beauty that is found in coming to Jesus Christ. Our fear of awkwardness could cause us to not obey the Lord, because we are so afraid. My second awkward moment came, because I was not afraid. I chose to call up a loved one, because “what’s the worst that could happen?”
. . . Okay, so we only talked for literally a minute. But I chose to be brave and honor that holy –nudge to call my loved one and ask how they were.
I chose to follow Jesus Christ, even if it meant awkwardness. And, that’s what we need. We need to be willing to follow our Lord Jesus, even if it means awkwardly living out our lives.