Why am I discouraged? Why is my heart so sad? I will put my hope in God! I will praise him again— my Savior and my God! (Psalm 42:11, NLT)
Today is one of those days, where tears fall easily. Over the last several months, I have become progressively worse in terms of my symptoms. Chronic illness is a tragic thing, but we have to find reason to keep going. We have to find hope that will help us rise above our circumstances, so we don’t despair.
There is hope, even when I wonder where it is.
My mistake in living chronic illness is this: I don’t think I have ever taken the time to truly grieve everything that has happened to me. The failed doctors appointments. The harsh judgments of others. The isolation. The symptoms. The limitations. None of it has been dealt with. Rather, I have sought to just avoid everything – as a way to cope.
Ohh friends, we can only live in avoidance for so long… before everything comes to hunt us down. I am not a medical professional, but it is not safe to live this way (in denial or avoidance) – or so I am learning.
It is a gradual process, but I am being reminded to tell God two things:
- What I am thinking about.
- How it makes me feel.
My prayer life is far from where I wish to be, but it is a start.
Opening up about the hard things, even with our Risen Lord, isn’t instant. It will take time and effort.
While our lives are turning out differently than planned, God has a mighty hope to share with us. He wants to continue giving our lives a great purpose. He wants to allow us to shine a bright light in a dark world. He wants to help us through this! ♥♥
Our Lord Jesus has come to save me. Each morning when I wake up, I have to remember He is choosing to dwell with me in the midst of my pain. This suffering isn’t for nothing. He continues to save me on a daily, even hourly, basis. God is forever faithful!
My struggle right now is finding ways to actually open my Bible and dig deep. I know, I am doing a 1 Corinthians study on our Facebook page. But, it is easy to read a verse once and move on. I need to find a better way to connect with our great God – in the midst of the hard stuff.
Today, having my physical Bible and supplies on my bed is what helped. I would pause and write out a Bible verse. As of the last few days, I have been utilizing Sweet to the Soul’s Bearing Fruit Reading List. This is helping me remember that suffering is part of a bigger process.
We are actually bearing fruit and allowing our faith to grow much more than we could ever imagine.
Unsplash photo by Johann Siemens.
Until next time,