My battle against my sinful self is intensely real. I wouldn’t mind a less real battle, to be honest. This morning, I let my foolish mouth slip. Ordinarily, at home, not that bad – right? Might be true if a window wasn’t open… I am always speaking when I should stay quiet. When I do speak, in an instant – I know I shouldn’t. In an instant, I think of how much better God would be better off without me.
In an instant, … Those lies can overtake my spirit quicker than quick sand. The lies of unworthiness. The lies of who I am not. The lies my spirit so often falls for, and tries to use in effort to deceive me.
These are the horrors of my sinful self. The me that fights His Spirit and truth. The Mark 5 picture of me.
When I surrender all I am not, to Him.
The change can begin.
In that moment, I can find grace.
If I allow myself to go there…
If I allow myself the chance to just believe what I know to be true.
Quit fighting God.
Surrender whatever you have.
Even if all you have to give sounds like this:
“Dear God, my life is so unbelievably screwed up right now. All I have is these tiny broken pieces that have been shattered repeatedly Dear God, help me. Save me. Heal me. Minister to me… I am too broken. I just need You to help me. I’ve got nothing left… Just foolishness and brokenness. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.”