Days like these, I am not particularly fond of them… They bring a lot of questions. Perhaps, some answers as well. I feel guilty for not being able to do as I should. There is much I need to do, as far as housework and things go. My body is pretty weak today, and I know I need to be diligent. If I am not diligent, I could end up collapsing and hurting worse than before. So, it is trying to balance rest while trying to get my apartment inspection ready.
In this current episode of severe weakness, I’d have to say it’s at the climax phase. It is worse than it was before today. It has been going on since Monday afternoon. Was the shopping trip worth it? No, not particularly… especially considering we ended up leaving our shopping cart and walking away. Was my MRI results “worth” it? No, not really…especially considering it supposedly showed nothing according to the radiologist’s report.
I think it is easy to look at today and how I feel, and wonder: “What am I doing wrong?”. My verse today can be found in Zechariah 4:6 where Yahweh (the One true God) tells Zerubbabel that it isn’t by his own might or power, but only through God’s strength. Don’t quote me on it, but it seems that it had to do with Zerubbabel and building the temple. He would begin the work and complete it, but it is only by God’s strength that it would be done. In the passage, the angel of the Lord regards it as a mountain that will be viewed as a plain.
The great mountains in our lives can be overcame as we seek to rely on God and not our own strength. No task is too great for God! He says and does what He says. His promises are true and never fade away. Let’s listen again to what the Lord tells Zerubbabel: “Not by might, nor by power, but by my Spirit, says the Lord of hosts.”
What is the question I am asking myself today that is a bad question to ask: “Am I not believing enough? Am I not relying on God enough?”. This thorn… this illness…*whatever* it is… It’s hard. It’s demanding. It alters my perspective. Instead of focusing on continuing to rely on His strength, I sit wondering about me and myself and why things aren’t changing. I am looking for the wrong thing. Instead of seeing how He is working, I see the remaining struggle. I see the rubble instead of how much has been moved in a sense, I guess. My focus has got to be on relying on God and His strength. I need to be more fixed on my relationship with Christ!
I had another train of thought that was lost momentarily…Few seconds sifted by, but I remember now. I remember what it is. Right now, I am going through a study on Gideon. Despite all the depression, discouragement, weakness, stresses, and all that weighs me down, I have been able to continue in the study. I have been able to stay on track with the study. More important than “staying on track” is that I have been allowing God to change my heart and work in my life as I sit there during my time of just being with Him.
Gideon :sigh:. Love Gideon. He went through his days, struggling. The Midianites were stealing from the people of Israel. They were engaged in a battle of their own. Though Gideon was in a weak clan and small, God still chose to use him and rescue His people.. Judges 6:12 echoes in my mind: “God will be with you, mighty warrior.” Gideon didn’t feel like a warrior or able to conquer all that he faced, but neither do most of us…Question remains: “Are we relying on Him and His strength?”